my life > yours

I don't think you will ever change.
And I think it's finally time for me to just give it up. I no longer feel I have to try and be your friend.
It sucks a little bit but I think it's more so your loss.

On another note,
you're leaving on Monday... that's actually so soon.
I know you're not leaving for good but 6 weeks seems like forever to me.
You're my fucking back bone, how the hell am I supposed to survive with out you here?
You're that ONE person I can rely on. That person that I know will be there for me at ANY time of the day or night.
Ugh.
I'm going to miss you more then you know.
And I realize I don't show it that much, but I'm just trying to act like it's not happening.
Obviously a bad idea cause now I'm freaking out a little bit.
Honestly, just please come back. As soon as possible.
Make your money and come home.
I love you! Have a safe trip!


My day was very good actually.
My first class was absolutely amazing. It was so fun, upbeat, got me going.
I got to meet everyone in that class. Learn something about them.
Made a couple of great new friends.

The second class was a little boring. So far the only boring class. 1 out of 3 isn't that bad.

Stoked for tomorrow, more classes to learn about :)
And a sweet date.

Won't die with out a fight

Today was just messed up.
It was a half and half day.
Half good, half completely horrible.

I don't know why you treat me the way you do. I try to do nothing but good things for you. I try to help. I try to be there. But I just get disrespected.
What you did today was completely immature. And completely selfish.
I wish we could be friends, but I can't even think about being in the same room with you after what you said to me today.
You hurt me, more than other people have.
So I'm wondering, why the fuck do I still care about you?

Another bad part of my day,
Jordon and I were coming home from dropping off Lee when some random idiot starts pulling into my lane. So I honk the horn and swerve out of the way. He comes up besides me and starts staring. I look back, obviously with a disgusted look on my face. He then speeds up and cuts me off intentionally. I honk my horn again then try to get into the other lane. Then he cuts me off again.
That put me right into an anxiety attack. I've had about three today. What the fuck?

That can't be good for me.

But now lets focus on the good parts of my day.
Started school this morning. At 8:10am to be exact. I was actually on time for an 8am class! That's the first time ever! Even when I was in Web Dev.
The class was amazing. Met some people. Actually got along with them.
Pharmacology was the class. So I'll be learning about drugs and alcohol and the effects they have. Stoked.
The prof is amazing too. He has a sense of humour. Which is something I love to see.

After school was when the above happened, so I'll skip into something better.

Met up with Laurel and we decided to buy some hair dye. So I have a new colour, once again. I went back to dark, and put red in my hair again. I can't help it. I feel so much better in red/vibrant hair.

Then I had to rush (which I HATE to do) to the AMC in Whitby. I met up with Jake, Helaina, Lee and Jordon (all amazing/solid people) and we saw Final Destination 3D. Of course since it was a Final Destination movie, it was horrible. But those movies are so bad that they are good. And this one was in 3D so it was even better.
That was followed by some Tim Hortons/Wendy's obviously.

The night pretty much ended there. Since I'm no longer allowed in my best friends house (don't ask) I came home early.
So like I said, it was half and half. But the positives seem to be hitting me more than the negatives. I think that's something I've taught myself to do and it is helping me through this rut.

School tomorrow. Coffee with Cat around 8. School Friday. Date. :)

p.s. the pool party with Lee was of course incredible. It was only us two but I think that's why I enjoyed it so much.
-not getting our hair wet
-dead mouse in the filter
-tanning
-pictures
-much needed talks since we haven't really been able to just talk since she's been home
So that day was legit.

i'd rather die on my feet, than live on my knees

so the last blog was a complete right off. It's amazing how fast peoples feelings change.
Oh well. He's saying nothing is wrong. But, if I haven't received a call within the past two weeks, obviously he is trying to hint something. At least tell me. "should I just stop calling you?" "No no, not at all, I'm just really busy lately"...
Maybe he is busy? I don't know. It's just all really sketchy to me.
Why tell me these things and then act like it was all a lie?
Ugh, I'll never understand boys.

On another note, I'm starting school Wednesday. Tomorrow is my orientation. I'm definitely excited. A little nervous as well.
Is it twisted that when I was watching Halloween (the Rob Zombie version, the first one) the other night and as I was watching Michael Myers as a child I got really stoked for school?
haha.
I can't help it. I want to know why his mind is so messed up. I want to know why he gets urges to kill people, but then later completely forgets what he has done.
It's all so interesting to me.
Jordon was completely floored. "You wanna work with people like that???" *as Michael Myers stabs the nurse with a fork* "Oh my god yes!!!"
hahaha.
So hopefully with school starting, I'll feel like my life is more on track.

Orientation tomorrow, then a pool party with Lee, school the rest of the week, don't work till Saturday, date on friday... life is good. For now at least.

I'm really hoping I like my program. I'm pretty sure I will.