failure

Almost a month into the new year and things still aren't picking up.
I'm not sure what I'm exactly waiting for. But I do know I am getting very impatient with everything.
School is so overwhelming right now. I feel like I haven't learned anything and that we're still in the 'warm up' period, but suddenly we have our first test this week and I don't even know what to study.
To be honest, I'm freaking out.
I feel like nothing is going to change and life is always going to be so difficult.
I know that sounds really selfish and I hate saying something like that knowing that there are people out there going through WAY worse situations than me. But I can't help it.

I haven't been able to look at my Dad in the eyes for about three days now. I feel ashamed of myself and I feel like a huge disappointment to him. He obviously has not given me a sign that I am a disappointment but I have my reasoning's. All of these feelings are because of money. He has helped me so much and one day I hope to pay him back. He knows I am struggling with money right now but he doesn't want to say anything and neither do I.
I mostly don't want to say anything because like I said before I am ashamed and I feel like a huge failure. Ugh.

My best friend moved back to Orillia. I don't like that at all.
My other best friend is moving to BC in September. I don't like that either. But it is definitely best for her and I think she is going to love it.

I just don't see anything great happening in the future right now. I wish I could think more positively but unfortunately my mind is in such a negative state.
I hate being negative.

First post of 2010

I always forget about this site. I wish I didn't only because I always need somewhere to write/vent.

The best thing going on in my life right now is school. First semester is over. Holidays past. Second semester just started.
I passed first semester. I'm very happy with myself. I worked my butt off.
I start my placement on Wednesday. I am doing it at Fernie House in Scarborough. I'm going to be working with young male offenders. Very excited but of course a little nervous.
I'm hoping this semester goes as well as last semester. Well, not as stressful, please.

Other than that, my life is pretty much the same.
Love life; non-existent.
Best friends; still amazing.
Family; also still amazing.
Work; hating it.
I'm still being taken advantage of, not going to say by who obviously, but more than one person that's for sure.

I'm trying really hard to stay positive. Hoping 2010 will be a lot smoother than 2009.
Focusing on school. Ignoring the drama.

Wish me luck.