failure

Almost a month into the new year and things still aren't picking up.
I'm not sure what I'm exactly waiting for. But I do know I am getting very impatient with everything.
School is so overwhelming right now. I feel like I haven't learned anything and that we're still in the 'warm up' period, but suddenly we have our first test this week and I don't even know what to study.
To be honest, I'm freaking out.
I feel like nothing is going to change and life is always going to be so difficult.
I know that sounds really selfish and I hate saying something like that knowing that there are people out there going through WAY worse situations than me. But I can't help it.

I haven't been able to look at my Dad in the eyes for about three days now. I feel ashamed of myself and I feel like a huge disappointment to him. He obviously has not given me a sign that I am a disappointment but I have my reasoning's. All of these feelings are because of money. He has helped me so much and one day I hope to pay him back. He knows I am struggling with money right now but he doesn't want to say anything and neither do I.
I mostly don't want to say anything because like I said before I am ashamed and I feel like a huge failure. Ugh.

My best friend moved back to Orillia. I don't like that at all.
My other best friend is moving to BC in September. I don't like that either. But it is definitely best for her and I think she is going to love it.

I just don't see anything great happening in the future right now. I wish I could think more positively but unfortunately my mind is in such a negative state.
I hate being negative.